


Missing Him - A Bruise Short

by whamelie



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Bruise Angst, Bruiseshipping, Character Death, Human Legos, Jay angst, M/M, Ninjago Angst, Sad Ending, bruise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2020-10-05 12:29:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20488919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whamelie/pseuds/whamelie
Summary: As Jay watched his yang fall closer and closer to death, time itself seemed to stop still, leaving him to the mercy of his mind, and the memories of a life that could have been...---This short story is inspired by, and also written for, @daniaanlyn , a good friend of mine who created a hauntingly beautiful Bruise edit for me a small while back. I wrote this for her to show her that she means a lot to me too! I am so grateful, and so lucky, to be able to call her my friend <3This story is loosely based on the edit, with my own interpretations added in, so with no further ado, I hope that you enjoy this ^^Her edit: https://www.instagram.com/p/B0I6x2Tn5UX/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link





	1. Missing Him

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zappy_noodle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zappy_noodle/gifts).

Jay froze.

The whole world ceased movement, the instant bitterness of fear and shock tainting all surrounding it.

Time. Stopped. Still.

Cole was falling.

It had all happened so fast, one minute successfully escaping, the next, disaster, completely and utterly. So much could go wrong in a single heartbeat, but the true pain, the most agonising factor, were the few short moments after it.

The realisation.

The crushing realisation of helplessness and hopelessness that he had only felt once or twice across his life.

The crushing realisation of the true weight of what just happened, the absolute catastrophe that took place before his very eyes.

The crushing realisation that Cole was falling.

Out of reach.

Out of sight.

But not out of mind.

Never out of mind.

He felt like screaming but he couldn't, his throat closed, his lungs choked up, his fists clenched around the rope ladder he clung onto for dear life. His entire body turned to stone. His mind was shrieking, shrill and sharp but on the outside... he was silent.

Cole was falling.

How had it happened? A simple mistake? A small blunder on the pilots behalf?

An incorrect movement, that broke his ladder partway.

Partway turned to completion. 

The ladder snapped.

Cole was falling.

Here came the panic. The rushing thoughts, the terrible voices.

His own subconscious betrayed him, worsening the situation.

'It's your fault.'

'You could have saved him'

'IT'S YOUR FAULT'

'YOU COULD HAVE SAVED HIM'

They tore at his brain, with tiny needle-like fingers and claws, working their way deeper, to sow seeds of disgust and self hatred. Even though he had no control... he was still convinced that everything... every tiny thing, was his own doing. It was all his fault.

Cole was falling.

The one person he loved more than anything else in the entire world was falling. Falling down... down down... and he could do nothing but watch. The thoughts. The voices. Screaming inside his head, to do something, anything, a last minute move, a life saving intervention but there was nothing. There was not a single thing he could do to make even a small impact, and he felt absolutely, positively, useless, beyond anything he had ever felt before.

Useless.

U s e l e s s.

And Cole was falling.

Finally, the tangle of noises and cacophony within his soul burst its way out, crawling it's way up Jay's throat like a confused parasite, so willing to stay, yet so eager to leave.

His name.

He yelled his name.

Four letters, strung together to create something familiar... something comforting. Four letters that he cared about... four letters that belonged to a soon to be dead man.

A dead man.

Cole yelled something back, but he couldn't tell what it was. Was it words? Was it a sentence? Was it nothing but a panicked shout as he too, realised his imminent death?

Jay didn't know.

Jay didn't know anything.

So soon after the whirring of anxieties and panic and fear and love, everything went blank.

A blank slate, manipulable, gullible...

Innocently guilty.

Cole was falling.

Further and further he went, smaller and smaller, yet only seconds had gone by. Such short moments.

Such huge consequences.

Such broken people.

Couldn't he reach out? Couldn't he grab him? Snatch him out of the air and carry him to safety? He was metres away, only a giant would have been able to do something so bold, but Jay was not a giant. He was a human. He was average. Possibly slightly smaller.

Small, insignificant, easily overlooked.

Jay didn't know what Cole ever saw in him.

He was so strong, and brave, and likeable and memorable and talented and sweet and unique and...  
b e a u t i f u l.

He was beautiful.

A work of art, a face in proportion, smiling away all the worries of the world with a grin as bright as a thousand stars.

What had he done to deserve such happiness?

Cole was everything he aspired to be. Cole inspired him to be a better person, to better himself, to better the world.

The night that Cole had asked him to be his Yang... was the happiest night of his life. That night was special.

That night...

That night had changed his life for the better.

Jay loved him so much, but he was going to lose him. His bettered life was crumbling to pieces.

Cole had saved him from a dark dark place, and had dragged him out of the hole in which he was falling. Into the light.

He saved him.

Jay couldn't even return the favour.

Cole was falling.

He screamed again, louder, louder, so loudly that he stopped to even hear himself. Was he passing out? Was he losing his mind? Had his ear drums burst? What was a horrific, cacophonous noise was nothing but a muffled humming to him. He still felt it. His throat grew hoarse and sore, but he still screamed, begging for something to save him.

Begging for anything. Anything at all.

As long as Cole was safe, that was all that mattered, he'd do anything to save him... he'd give anything to save him... anything...

Anything. 

Never again, would he be able to feel the comfort of his embrace, the warmth at night, the reassuring whisper, the cuddles and kisses in the cold to banish the shivers.

No more dates. No more trips to the city, no more playful flirting. Nothing.

Nothing at all.

No more talk of the future. No more hopes of marriage. No more discussions of children.

No more plans. No more smiles. No more hugs, no more jokes no more teasing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing at all no more midnight snacks no more competitive games no more 'I love you's no more film nights no more days spent training together no more walks no more heart-to-heart's on the deck at night no more holding hands no more intentions to spend their lives together no more anything nothing nothing nOTHING BUT A MEMORY OF WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, NOTHING AT ALL, NOTHING BUT MEMORIES THAT STUNG AT THE TOUCH, POISONED AT THE THOUGHT. TOXIC. PAINFUL. UNBEARABLE F*CKING MEMORIES THAT WOULD TORTURE HIM TO THE END OF HIS DAYS.

COLE WAS FALLING.

Cole was falling.

Cole was falling.

Jay was not.


	2. 1

Cole was falling.

Jay was not.

Falling, falling, faster and faster as gravity did its work, dooming the black ninja to unavoidable doom. Mother Nature, the most deadly thing on planet Earth. More dangerous than all the guns and blades of humanity combined.

Cole kept falling, getting smaller and smaller and smaller, further and further, exiting Jay's life having never been able to say goodbye.

Then, as quickly as the ordeal had started, it was... over.

One minute he was there, and the next... he was gone.

Engulfed by the black clouds that shrouded the city. Stolen away by them, never to be seen again. 

He was gone.

Cole had fallen.

Fallen.

Gone.

Jay's lungs finally gave in, falling into a silence of measure he had never felt before. Struck with instant mutism. His lips refused to part, staying tightly pressed together, a silent protest against the universe.

The cruel universe in which he lived, the universe that ripped what he loved most from his grasp.

He wondered... what had Cole ever done to deserve this? 

The Bounty suddenly took up speed, flying rapidly away from the scene of Cole's demise. Jay's hands instantly locked in place, keeping his body tightly connected to his own rope. Far from death, in safety.

He was safe.

Safe from everything other than his own destructive mind.

Soon, the ship was away from the danger zone, and slowed down at last. Somebody rushed over to the side and grabbed a hold of Jay's ladder, pulling him on board.

He didn't even see who it was. He was too fixated on his own thoughts.

They were... blurry now. He couldn't make much sense of anything.

It almost felt like a dream... a terrible, terrible dream. A nightmare... but... it couldn't be. Jay could feel everything around him, the sensation of being pulled onto the deck. The hard wood beneath him as he slid against the edge of a railing, sitting down, collapsed and unresponsive. He could feel the sharp chill of the wind against his pale skin.

This was not a dream.

It was simply that, real life, had become an awful nightmare.

The others tried to talk to him, pleading for him to answer them but he didn't. He stared into space, focusing on a random point somewhere in front of him.

He could make out their voices, just barely.

Kai was ranting at somebody, anger sparked its way through his tone, showing very clearly that he was furious with somebody. Who though? Jay didn't know, and nor did he care.

Nya was... crying. She just repeated 'I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry I'm sorry' again and again. Was she apologising in general? Was she apologising for Cole's death?

Was she... the one who did it? The one who moved the thrust lever, the one who... killed him?

Zane was... right in front of him.

Shaking him gently. Ever so gently.

One hand on each shoulder, looking into his eyes, and slowly, slowly, Jay drifted back into the real world.

"... Jay... please... talk to me..."

His metallic eyes were filled with worry... and... pity. Pity and compassion.

"... Are you ok? Are you injured...?" he asked.

Jay didn't feel injured physically. In fact, his body was in full working order. Perfect condition. His mental state though? Well. That was a different story.

Zane kept trying to get through to him, as the deck of the Bounty advanced into a little more than a mess, a big mix of crying and shouting, with Jay and Zane sat on the edge of it.

Trying and failing.

Chaos followed them from the city to the solitary height they had reached. The civilians on board were shouting, Kai was shouting, Nya was crying harder and harder. 

Words entwined to create a constant stream of nonsense, loud and annoying and hurtful.

Jay still drifted in and out of reality, taking the true mental blow of what he had just had to go through. He was broken. Truly broken. Whether he was fixable, he didn't know. Maybe in time, he'd grow to deal with it, grow past it, but he would never, be able to forget him. The rest of his life would be a constant reminder that he lived, and Cole didn't.

He knew that after this, he wouldn't ever be the same again.

Without Cole... how could he ever even hope to be the same again? Cole, who always made him happy. Cole, who could always make him laugh. Cole, who taught him how to really love a person.

Cole, who was gone.

Never. Ever. Coming. Back.

Suddenly, through the newly impenetrable noise, a single statement rang above the rest, pulling every inhabitant of the ship to an instant halt.

"COLE IS DEAD. COLE IS F*CKING DEAD, AND YOU DON'T GIVE A SINGLE DAMN, DO YOU?!"

Jay couldn't tell from which angle it came, who's mouth it exited, or who it was aimed at.

All he knew is that it snapped him out of his dissociative state in an instant.

Water. Salt water.

It welled up, collecting itself into droplets and rolling down his already freezing cheeks. Tear after tear, they increased, faster and faster, flowing more freely and thicker with every second that passed.

Zane tried to calm him down, to no avail. Zane tried to get him to talk, with no success.

Tears turned to whimpering, whimpering turned to crying, crying turned to sobbing and soon enough, Jay had his hands pressed firmly over his ears, repeating his earlier activities.

Screaming.

Though this wasn't an ordinary scream. Everybody around could hear it, and could hear every minute detail.

It was the sound of absolute emotional agony. 

Unbelievable pain, unbelievable suffering condensed down into all he could manage to do in that second. A scream. One continuous scream that worked its way into everyone's heads.

The sound of a heart being crushed beyond repair.

The sound of a soul being shattered like a pane of glass.

The sound of someone's mind losing control of all reality.

The sound of a human being losing all remaining will to live.

It was haunting.

No matter how much the other ninja wanted to help him, comfort him, tell him that everything would be ok, all they could do, was stand and stare.

They all knew, at that moment, he was beyond help.

Alone, and afraid, and terrified of what was now to come. Helpless and confused, angry yet so so so apathetic, pessimistic, losing faith in everything he used to care about.

Cole meant everything to him, and now... Cole was gone.

Cole was gone.

Jay began to wish that he had jumped off after him.

Maybe then, instead of being up here, cursed with a heartbreak which would never end...

... he'd have fallen too.

He wished he'd fallen too.


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> @daniaanlyn, thank you so much. Bonding with you though our interests, especially Jay and Bruise has been a blast, and you have truly made my 2019 better. I love your art and your edits, I love your writing and your creative ideas, I love your brilliant sense of humour!  
Merry Christmas!   
I hope that one day I’ll be able to meet you in person. Love you <3

Cole was falling.

Jay was not.

The passage of events was so cryptically slow, yet so fast at the same time. He could think though a million different options, yet, none of them were clear. None of them made sense.

None of them were possible.

Though, the tarnished cogs that had previously jammed to a halt, gradually, eventually, moved once more.

As soon as Cole's figure fell beneath those clouds, Jay knew for certain, that he would never see him again. That would be it. 

Nothingness where a person once existed. A blank canvas, a painting left out in the rain to be washed away and forgotten.

The end of a dear friend. The end of a lover. The end of the most important person in his entire life.

... he simply could not live with that. 

It was not even a glimpse of an option.

But what could he do? Saving him wasn't possible, and hadn't been for a small while now. Chances were lost, miracles were out of the question. Such things Jay had stopped believing in a long long time ago.

His fists shook in slow motion, clutching the ropes as his body acted on its own, clinging on for dear life. Fight or flight, adrenaline pumping through his erratic system. Biologically... he wanted to survive. 

Nothing more than to fight on and keep going, to fulfil the most primal human instinct of all.

Though... love was not primal.

It was beautiful, developed and intricate, swirling through his fingertips and swimming across the chaotic waters of his mind. Calming him in the most dangerous of situations, calling out to him even now... as the source of that wonderful energy plummeted below.

... he... couldn't.

Survival was an option for him, perhaps the most obvious, perhaps the most sensical. His subconscious ached for it, begged for it, pleaded with him to stay firmly attached to the Bounty. Connected with his fingers, strong and resilient from years upon years of ninja work.

Falling to its knees and begging. 

'Stay alive.

It's what he would have wanted you to do.'

... a new problem entered stage.

What would Cole think of him, if he gave up now? Disgust? Disapproval? Heartbreak?

Cole's last moments were in motion, and were already terrifying enough. He was slipping through the sky - no solid surface to pull safety from - at the utter mercy of fate... and gravity.

What if falling alongside him would make those last moments all the more terrible?

No... those were simple matters. Time was slim, time was running out. Jay needed to decide, his mind needed to settle, he needed to come to a conclusion with his body, or overdrive its powerful dissolve to live.

Think of the future... think of how things will be if Cole died, while he lived.

A world with no colour. No tastes, no flavours. No music or dancing. Eternal numbness... a meaningless existence.

Cole had dragged him out of a depression so deep and perilous that had he stayed much longer, Jay did not know how he would have kept his sanity. 

He was there in the dark times, and the light. The good times and the bad. 

He didn't turn his back as soon as things grew challenging, he listened and he learned. 

For the first time in years, Jay felt honestly and truly loved by somebody, and believed with his whole heart that their love was mutual. 

Perhaps it was ridiculous.

Perhaps it was obsessive.

Perhaps it was foolish to place so much self worth onto the existence of one person, perhaps he would move on, grow, learn to live without the boy he cared about. Perhaps in a few years he would look back with a sad smile, then look to the future with bright electric blue eyes.

Perhaps he would find somebody else, another person who would love him for him, and not a cheap façade. 

Perhaps he would forget entirely.

So many options, so many possibilities, perhaps, just perhaps, everything would turn out ok. 

But none of that mattered... because after a hyper speed battle that seemed to last years... Jay had already won the tug of war with his twitching fingers.

Jay had already taken back control from fear and anxiety.

Jay had already made his decision.

Jay was falling too.

Time sped up again in an instant.

Wind rushed through his hair like a manic comb, his body straight like an arrow, shooting down to the only person he could think of.

Air resistance slowed Cole a great deal more than him, as his desperate spread-eagle position acted very minor lay as a parachute. The distance between them lessened.

The distance between each of Jay's heartbeats lessened also.

Cole. All he could think of was Cole.

Cole Brookstone.

Cole the Earth Ninja.

Cole the singer. Cole the dancer.

Cole the terrible cook.

Cole his lover.

Cole.

"COLE!" He screamed, finally making contact, slamming into him with a fierce amount of force. They spun, a torpedo of blue and black, panicking as they both tried to find something to hold.

The two of them almost lost grip, but clung on, and eventually stabilised in the air.

"JAY, WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING?!" He shrieked, the pure pain in his eyes driving daggers of guilt, but Jay ignored them, letting the metaphorical blood flow.

"I DON'T KNOW!"

Now that the question was asked... Jay didn't know. He had made the decision to fall but... also hadn't. He had made his grips weaken and slip from the rope, yet also had no say in the matter at all.

"I COULDN'T JUST WATCH YOU FALL."

They had to shout over the rush of the wind, at a volume that strained vocal chords to their limits. They began to ache after only a couple of sentences, and their limbs started to cramp up in the relentless cold.

"YOU HAD YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU JAY, AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA DIE, WE'RE BOTH GONNA DIE!"

"THEY WON'T MISS ME ANYWAY, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE MOST USELESS!"

Jay pulled him in for a hug, synthesising the comforting embrace that softened him so many times before.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE, THAT'S NOT F*CKING TRUE!"

Cole's arms crept around him as well, holding him close... and while Jay couldn't precisely tell... it seemed that he was... crying.

Tears sparked like tiny fireworks, bursting into smaller droplets as the two boys fell faster than them. Faster than the clouds. Faster than time itself.

"WHY WOULD YOU THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY FOR NOTHING, JAY?! WHY?!"

Jay squeezed his eyes shut terrified that the ground would appear so much closer than he thought.

"BECAUSE I F*CKING LOVE YOU."

Time... slowed once more. 

A complete illusion of panic, the human mind shutting down as it accepted its unavoidable fate. Jay allowed his eyelids to flutter open for just a second... long enough to see Cole's deep brown ones gazing back.

Warm, inviting, friendly... shimmering with tears of hopelessness and despair.

The black mass below was almost upon them. 

The love in each of their hearts burned bright.

Cole attempted food return a simular statement, but the freezing temperares doubled with his throat seizing up made that near impossible.

Instead, he decided to speak without words at all.

He smoothed a rough thumb over Jay's tear stained cheek, and pulled their lips together.

One last kiss. One last symbol of unity and love in the face of impending doom.

The darkness came closer, their hearts beat faster, the world span around and around and gave birth to new colours and sounds and ideas and every possibility of the human imagination. Delirium had been reached.

Jay kissed his yang back, relishing the last scraps of happiness and joy he would ever experience.

This was it. The end of the both of them.

They broke away, and said nothing more, pulling tighter and tighter, petrified of death, though accepting it. Embracing the ones they loved. Two intertwining lives flashing across aligning eyes. Electric blue, hazelnut brown. Dark auburn curls, jet black locks. Adorned with freckles, blessed with dainty lashes. The inventor and the singer. The earth and the sky. Blue and black... like a bruise. A sign of past trauma now healing.

Hope for the future. A future spent together.

A future they would now never have.

One minute they were there, one minute not.

Jay and Cole disappeared under a layer of smoke.

No more, no less.

That was it.

They were gone.


End file.
